Exercise 160701

Laces worn, trailing ground.

Dirty frayed; perhaps replacements

needed? So love my

worn yet comfy shoes.

Maybe new ones? Nah.

New laces will do.

 

© 2017 L. Tafa

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Author: b20f08

I enjoy solo wargaming and writing. The first caters to the boy that never grew up; the latter satisfies a deep desire to communicate. Cheers.

3 thoughts on “Exercise 160701”

  1. I’ve edited the original by removing what I feel are excess words. Tried to tighten it up. The laces are a representation of the workings of a relationship. The shoe is the relationship – familiar, comfortable. The laces are the workings of a relationship that keep the “shoe” together. Sometimes, a relationship can become too familiar, as in the shoes laces becoming “dirty frayed”. Do they need replacing or does the shoe need replacing?

    I find it funny because some people are shoe addicts, requiring more pairs than feet, i.e., you can only wear one pair of shoes at a time.

    Maybe my symbol is the wrong choice. I don’t know. But it is the laces that is the key to this piece. And it’s a familiar one to someone who’s used to lace-ups since a child. Now, as an adult entering his old age, I’ve grown accustomed to slip-ons and jandals (my personal favourite). And I’ve even worn zip-ups. I don’t like sandals because they’re fiddly to engage.

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  2. I’ve been using the four-words-per-line structure for a while now. It’s suits my style of writing (lazy modern). It may jar at times because the tendency is to flow rather than constrain. But it’s a duty, so I see it, of a poet to be as disciplined and structured (like every other writer) as possible. Structure is crucial to form, and also requires thought.

    I use words instead of syllable to define structure because stress differs between poets and versifiers. But form doesn’t; it’s recognisable by anyone with working eyes.

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